Thursday, December 1, 2016

Stanley Steemer, Voodoo and the Ginormous Tub

If anyone thinks I sit around on my tushy and eat bonbons all day, you are dead wrong.  I eat brownies.   Here is today, and it is only 11:30 AM

I get a call yesterday from Contractor Jay.  He says, casually, Oh, Stanley Steemer will be there tomorrow to clean the floors.

I thought they were Friday, but OK. I can handle nothing less but constant change now, so OK. That means I need to get everything off the floor I can or put it outside.  I work most of the afternoon, and when Frank comes home he busies himself with moving some other stuff.

I already had the dogs scheduled for their baths on Thursday.  So I get up at the crack of dawn at 5 AM and get everyone fed and pooped and into the car for their delivery to the vet at 7 am.  Frank leaves at 6:30 am heading out to Broussard, about 2 hours away.  Just minutes before I have to manhandle three idiots to the car by myself.

I come home to see that everything I moved yesterday, Frank had moved to another location.  In other words, he did little work, he just moved my placement of the stuff around.  That meant I had to move the eleven 5-gallon paint containers outside, the pile of trim outside, all the leftover cabinets either outside or into the dining room.  I had designated the dining room as the "safe" room which would not be Stanley Steemered.

I called Frank and yelled at him a bit telling him that I knew he would not go to Carrie's office and rearrange her stuff and tell her how to do her job.  Therefore, he was not going to come to my "office" and rearrange my stuff and tell me how to do my job.  If he wanted to do that, I would go to a nice Art Camp with Leeanna and Patty and Carol and Suzette and let him finish the house.   I decided to reward myself with a brownie.

Now that I felt better, I waited for Stanley Steemer to arrive.

They were unfolding their hoses and the crazy neighbor lady was pacing back and forth between her driveway and her two mailboxes.  (Yes, she has two mailboxes for some reason.) 

The two Stanley Steemer guys head out to the master bedroom to start work.

Contractor Jay arrives with two guys who are here to patch up the back of the fireplace.  I thought they were supposed to be here on Tuesday or Wednesday!  Much to the chagrin of the Stanley Steemer guys, they will be cutting sheetrock.  The Stanley Steemer guys are not happy.  Neither is the crazy lady who has begun to do some Voodoo gesturing towards my house.  I decide to reward myself with a brownie.

Then the quatro (4, count them 4) Painter Muchachos arrive.  I wasn't expecting them till Saturday.  They walk around the house and look at stuff.  They don't speak much English so I am not really sure what they are doing here, but I do get that they will be back on Miercoles.  I know that is Wednesday and not Saturday.  Aye carumba!

So far that makes NINE people in my house.

Ozzie, the neighborhood dog that someone left in their yard when they moved out parks himself on my porch to technically that makes TEN.

 Ozzie is eyeing the Stanley Steemer guys.  But everyone is staying their distance for now.  I reward myself with a  brownie.

Up drives the plumber with my new tub.  I had no idea they were coming today.  Add two more guys in here.  The neighbor has resumed her pacing and has added her Voodoo Dancing.  She is bending over and showing her oversized butt to the skinny, well muscled plumber guys.

Avante frame in clean room
Stanley Steemer is not happy with the plumbing development.  They fear competition for water resources.  I assure them they will not have a problem.  I know that Shaun has to figure out how to get the whopping tub inside first.  I check on plumber guys after a while and find them chipping out a layer o tile I had not planned on replacing.  Hmm. Yep, brownie.

If the tub will cover the space he is ripping tiles from like he says, then the toilet will not fit back into place.  Hmmm.

And it would be a shame to have a bathroom WITHOUT a toilet, right?  Hmmmmm.

The door bell rings.

The doorbell?  I have no doorbell.  That got taken off the wall months ago.  But something is ringing.

It is the landscaper I asked to give me an estimate on redoing the front yard.  He is number 13. Stanley Steemer guys are eyeing his mud dried shoes.

Tub hanging out of truck
We talk about the yard and my other neighbor arrives with a basket of wet clothes, number 14.  Her new washer and dryer arrived yesterday and the dryer has a 3 prong plug to 4 prong outlet.  Not very useful.  I offer her a brownie and we sit on patio and eat.

Plumber guys get the tub off the truck.  It is monstrous.  They attempt to manhandle it and end up calling another plumber guy, number 15, to help.  Stanley Steemer guys are getting more unhappy with each arrival.  Ozzie is circling the plumbing truck.  And the crazy lady is now singing gospel tunes and dancing around her front yard like she is in some grammar school play. 

Plumber guys tell me they have to remove the sheetrock and some of the studs in the bedroom to get the gigantic tub into the guest bath.  OMG.  I might need two brownies for  this one.  And boy is Stanley Steemer getting steamed!  More sheetrock.  But first we discuss some other ways.  They end up removing the door and walking the enormous tub in upright. 

Meanwhile, Ozzie has gotten into the plumbing truck and eaten the plumber guy's lunch.  I might have to offer them my brownies.  Crazy lady is no where to be seen.  Maybe she went for sheet music.  Or a choir robe.

I guess I should count her as number 16, although technically she is barred from coming IN the house by the restraining order, she is certainly one of the characters.

Frank calls and wants to know how my day is going.  While I am counting down the number of people, number 17 arrives.  Terminex wants to do their annual inspection.

With a new audience, the crazy lady is now hailing the overhead sun.  She is waving her hands and swaying back and forth.  Maybe she is looking for Farrakhan's space ship.  The others are used to her by now, but the Terminex guy wants armed escorts on that side of the house.  I tell him he is on his own but will get combat pay.  And a brownie.

As Stanley Steemer finishes the men start leaving, so does the show next door.  She takes it on the road, I guess.

After lunch, it is only the Plumber guys and me.  Even Ozzie has moved off to greener pastures.  I tell them, no matter what happens today, they have to leave me with at least one working toilet.

I have to admit, the massive tub is beautiful.  Gleaming white, sloped sinuously down the back, I can certainly see myself up to my chin in bubbles with brownies and white wine sitting on one of those teak trays across the tub edge.  It is deep.  And colossal.

Even the plumber guy says he would like to soak in this gargantuan tub.  Hmmmmm. 

Maybe  I need to layoff the brownies a bit lest I not fit into the tub.


  1. Here you are complaining about being alone with 17 men! Seems to me it was the perfect time to sit in a warm spot with brownies and tall bottle of wine.

  2. Brownies and a swim? I'll be right over!

  3. Also, looks like you were doing enough sinning if your own without my help! Vet at 6. Will let you know the outcome.

  4. Truth IS stranger than fiction! What a day!

  5. Oh my goodness!! Your day sounds like an episode of some sitcom! The Voodoo lady was the icing on the cake! Did you have enough brownies to get thru all of that? I hope today is calmer, but then you wouldn't have such a crazy story to post!

  6. You've made my day with a laugh (or two or 20!) Thanks!

  7. After a day like that you need to put your feet up and have Frank bake another pan of brownies. I'm sure the tub is big enough.

  8. OMG - the way you have told this story has me laughing so hard there are tears running down my face. Especially the part about your neighbor lady. Glad you had the brownies to get you through all that!

  9. What a story! And is that plumber's butt I see in your last picture? lol There's the reason for the brownies. Have a great week.


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