Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Isn't it funny how things work out?

At Trey Yeun
about 6 years ago

When we were growing up, it was obvious that my mother favored my brother, who is 5 years younger than I.  it stemmed, I think, from the fact that I was not a girly-girl who wanted to be in laces and frills and dresses and do girl things.  My mother named me after the Good Witch in the Wizard of Oz because she envisioned a pink, blonde head with heaps and heaps of curls, and lots of sweet smiles. I turned out very Italian, dark straight thin hair and totally a tom boy.  She would tell me how disappointed she was that I was not like Glenda on the movie screen or the kids in the Leave It To Beaver sit-com.

When I was 16 I was not allowed to take driving lessons at school like my friends.  It was my cousin Terry who taught me to drive in his beautiful little 240Z.  We had one TV because they didn't want TVs in the bedrooms.  The same with the phone,  I was not allowed to do more than call my girlfriends to confirm a time to meet or something about school.   When Kenny turned 16 they bought him a car, he had a TV and a phone in his room.

When I was 17 and a Junior in high school and all my friends were making plans to attend some sort of college or training program, I was told that girls didn't go to school and that they were saving their money because Kenny needed to go to college.  Funny, now I have two post graduate degrees and was Valedictorian at Southeastern Louisiana University after finishing a 4 year undergraduate degree in 2 1/2 years even. 

When my father died, my mother gave Kenny his car.  I got his cuff links. 

about 10 years ago

Now that my mother is in the nursing home and hospice, I am the one making the decisions, paying the bills, and watching her slowly die.  My brother has told me not to expect money to care for mom from him.  Go figure.  All that college education they gave him didn't teach him about humanity.

I am not even sure that he or his family has been up here to see her since she moved to the nursing home last year.  But who knows.

I made my peace with myself a few years ago, it still upsets me though.  To think I now have charge of the one who wanted the other.  But I stepped up to take the job. 

moving into Assisted Living 3 years ago

So yesterday I made the decision to remove the medication that was supposed to increase her appetite and stop the weight loss.  We knew from the beginning two weeks that it really wasn't working anyway.

Isn't it funny like that, by all rights and priveleges, Kenny should have made that decision.

glen:  or at least pay attention


  1. Sometimes, our moms can say the most cruel things to us without even knowing how much damage they cause. You are an amazing person to have lifted yourself above all that to become who you are today, and for taking on the caretaker/decision maker for her at this time in her life. A thousand blessings on you.

  2. I understand your pain. I did not experience it personally but was certainly witness to it. Sending you big hugs and know that I am glad to call you my friend.

  3. My heart breaks for you, for the love lost. Bless you for being a good daughter and a good person in spite of everything. Love and peace to you, you are the good witch after all.

  4. Those experiences made you who you are today...a person I am proud to call friend. As for your brother, what you sow is what you will reap. He is showing his family how he wants to be treated later in life and they will comply. Circle!

  5. Sadly I know another woman in almost the same position as you - hard to believe isn't it? You are doing the right thing and you will be able to sleep at night but that doesn't mean it doesn't still hurt. You should be proud of who you are. Thinking of you.

  6. So sorry to hear about all that you have gone through and continue to go through. Despite it all, or perhaps because of it all, you have grown to be a wonderful loving genuine person that I feel privileged to know. Your mother WAS blessed with Glenda the Good Witch, whether she recognized it or not.

  7. You are sharing your grief-work with us as you articulate this understanding. My mom is eight years gone, but I am still making discoveries about what I thought happened, and what I have "stuffed". Your writing helps me know that I am not the only one still working out my relationship with Mom. Thanks for being who you are and sharing your thoughts with us!


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