Friday, August 24, 2012

If You will Have to Care For Your Parents...A Public Service Announcement

This is my mom at two different stage in her life.  I won't show you what she looks like today, it is far too sad for a person to bear.  She had her problems, and one of them was her image of what she imagined I should have looked like and been.  But she was my mother.

This is a head's up for you if you think you will be in any way caring for your parent/s.  And your parent may be cognizant but unable to wade through the mess and regulations that is our Social Security system.

They do not accept Power of Attorney from any aspect of any legal system in any form.  So don't think you have that covered.  I have a very comprehensive POA that allows me to do EVERYTHING as my mother.  But SSA will not acknowledge the POA.

They will only accept my mother, in person, face to face.  So the remedy to that is to become a "payee" on my mother's account.  That can be done by the parent agreeing to that in person in the local SSA office.  Now I have to go through the nursing home, affidavits from the doctor and the social worker.  The nursing home has to make a statement that I am not intending to steal from her.  On and on.

So my advice.  Go brave the SSA, you will learn a lot about our country as well (grin), brush up on your Spanish, and get that done before your parent becomes incapacitated and you can make decisions and administer their SS benefits.

It is a good thing to get a comprehensive POA as well and have that in the background.  My friend's mother had a stroke and nothing in place.  That was a nightmare for her.

Do it now while the parent is able to state their intentions.  I filed it with the state to make it official.  Only one place has argued with me saying they can ONLY accept the original and they wanted to keep it.  I brought my mom, dressed her up to look coherent, and took all her money out of that bank the next week.



  1. It's tough I know. I took care of both my parents who had Alzheimer's. I feel for you, it's really hard and our government doesn't make it any easier for any of us, in fact, they seem to want to make us suffer because our parents are old. Sad, very sad. I'm sorry that you are going through this.

  2. Very, very hard and oh so very sad. We take care of our mom, (87 in one week) by ourselves, in her home on an island in Alaska. There are three nursing homes with super long waiting lists on other islands or in nearby Juneau but besides being 'get in one very long line and wait up to ten years' they cost $20,000 a month. Yes, a month. That is private enterprise, not the government.

    She is blind, diabetic, bedridden, and paralyzed by advanced Alzheimer's. We carry her, change her, feed her, test her insulin levels, and give her shots and pills....all day long.

    That is what medicare reductions have done to make her not 'eligible for hospice.' This is her 7th year and 3rd completely bedridden. She can still say 'hi' and smile. That is why she doesn't qualify for hospice. I was told that, literally by the hospice provide. Getting hospice would have meant that two times a week, someone else would helped us bathe her, and change her. And we can't even have that. Know this sad story oh too well. We take turns living with her, and caring for her all day long, and we are all exhausted.

    I'm glad you found a resolution to at least an immediate problem, I only wish we had one little thing a bit easier for us. It's too hard and yes, we worry about ourselves.

    Without more money for medicare, not less..our families are doomed. We have 13 aunts, uncles, and parents who died with Alzheimer's or a related dementia. And 3 more related by marriage. It is a growing epidemic, a labor of unconditional love, and a nightmare...all at once.

    And fortunately it doesn't end there. We have additional family members in major health crises, as well. It's all really, hard. My heart hears you and understands in so many ways!!! ((Big hug))

  3. So sorry you had to go thru that, hard enought to see your mother incapacitated, then to make things worse having to deal with bearucratic BS. My parents are both 80 and I see them slowing down, so will no doubt be in your shoes at some point. Why does this country treat the elderly so poorly when they should have our utmost respect, although unfortunately a lot of it is because low life bottom feeders use the system to rip off money so they have to make the honest people jump thru hoops. That's all I have to say on that - now off to look at the quilty posts :-)))))))


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