Hence forward, this shall be known as Transformation Day!
Well, it is not all totally changed and transformed, but the house is looking like the house again. It has to do with the walls.
Bear with me here, I have this thing about how the walls "move" with me. When we were looking for this house, we walked through nearly a hundred houses. I was very pregnant with Carrie and we were moving to Baton Rouge from Tickfaw, La (near Hammond, LA). Our real estate agent was amazing. She would line up a day of houses and we would hit the road, literally dawn to dusk.
They were all good houses, but there was somethings with each one that just didn't fit. When we walked into this house, the walls embraced me. It felt right. It was right.
With the walls torn out, it was not a house. The parts of the house that allowed us to raise a child, create nourishment, renew our bodies and become a family were gone. There were no walls to move with me.
It is not all right just yet, but it is coming back. The insulation and dry wall are all there now. Soon, they will apply the mud and float the seams. The walls will be painted. And the floors laid.
I am hoping the walls will learn to embrace us again; that they will move with me once more. I am hoping this house will once again become our place of security and belonging.
Next time, before you enter your home, clear your mind to its meditative state. Walk through the door, the rooms, the hallway. Intuitively, find the heart, the center of the house. Stand there and breathe.
Did the walls move with you?
when I lived way up north, there would come a day each winter when the worst cold was over - and you knew you were headed toward spring. There were still many cold days, but gradually, it was getting a tiny bit warmer. The people would say "the back of winter is broken".
ReplyDeleteI think you have reached that day in your journey. There will still be trying days, and frustrations, but you are over the hump - and headed toward a home again.
this has not beaten you - not at all.
Oh Glen, you describe things so well I can picture it in my minds eye. I can picture your house turning back into a home.... I was relieved to hear McGee didn't do a runner. He must have sensed that would have tipped you right over the edge....good boy.
ReplyDeleteI felt the same way about the house we are in now -- you did a masterful job of putting it into words.
ReplyDeleteRight on sister! A home is more than a building and you saw your home stripped away - now it will return like the Phoenix rising!
ReplyDeleteI was brought home from the hospital to a house that was like that to me. I have memories and loves in all the other homes since then, but at some point my focus changed from the house to people. I think that was because I moved against my will when I was a junior in high school. Glad the walls are up so they can begin to get in sync with you.
ReplyDeleteHome. Such a tiny word to hold all that it means.....
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